The unhappiness of Bruno's mother is communicated in many ways throughout the novel. Even at the very beginning, she told Bruno that "some people make the decisions for all of us", indicating her sadness at having to move to a place like Out-With because of Father's work. Later, she remarked, "Some people and their determination to get ahead", implying that she was angry with Father's ambitions forcing them to do whatever work dictated him to do. Furthermore, Mother was obviously fond of the house in Berlin, and did not want to relocate to a place that she must have known was filled with death and despair.
When Mother says, "We don't have the luxury of thinking", she is implying that no one has the luxury of thinking, and that thinking itself is defying Father, and by extension, Hitler. Due to this, Mother is unable to displease Father too much, and only has influence over the rest of the family.
However, Bruno's mother did find a little bit of happiness in her affair with Lieutenant Kotler, which Bruno described as him "whispering alone in rooms with Mother". This affair was also evidenced by her annoyance with Gretel when she touched Lieutenant Kotler's arm at dinner, which made Mother "stare at her and narrow her eyes", as well as her obvious familiarity with the young man, calling him "Kurt" and "precious".
As their relationship went further and further, Mother neglected to keep their affair secret. In one of Bruno's encounters with Kotler, she claimed that she needed "a private word with Lieutenant Kotler" after almost giving away the act of 'friendship' between the two.
Unfortunately for Mother, the lieutenant was transferred away from Out-With, causing "a lot of shouting between Father and Mother". This could have been because Kotler's family background was not satisfactory for Father, or that the affair had been exposed.
In short, the relationship between the two was probably a result of Mother's anger at Father's Commandant rank, and Lieutenant Kotler seizing the chance at entertainment at Out-With. Nevertheless, Mother's actions prior to the affair suggest that it was mostly due to Father's career choices.
Contrary to Mother's veiled dissatisfaction, Bruno's grandmother openly attacks the idea of Father's involvement in the military. Although the rest of the family approves of Father's position, and even admires him for it, Grandmother argues that all soldiers were interested in was "dressing up and doing the terrible, terrible things [Father does]". This courage to speak up symbolises those who could see that what Hitler was doing was ultimately wrong.
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